My Crushed Dreams But Not Abandoned

All of us harvest this…it comes in all shapes and forms but at the same time its unseen. We all have this ability to be freed to thrive in our dreams or to kill our dreams. It’s crazy to think about, when we were little, we dream to become an astronaut that would go to different planets, a scientist, a vet, a 3 foot tall NBA player, and if we were honest some were to take over the world. Then the older we got it seems like reality hits home and we conform to barely making it by. At the same time, we say that we want to follow our dreams but we don’t want it bad. We kind of just want it. You don’t want it as much as partying, not as much as being cool and not as much as sleep. Some of us love sleep as much as our dreams. As my youth pastor told me, “Life is all about sacrificing.” Still living through life, we see flashbacks of our dreams, which we had when we were younger, but we are not willing to risk because we believe that it’s too late for me, I got kids, I got debt, it’s hard and it’s going to hurt. When it seems like we take a step forward, we get punched right in face. We all get knocked out and the main question is “What are you going to do? Are you going to stay down or get up and keep swinging like our lives are in stake?

To be honest with you, I got punched in my heart multiple times by reality that crushed my dreams. My dreams is that there will be a revival in Chicago, seeing the church ran by ex-gang members and ex-convicts transformed by Christ. Seeing the white and Hispanic and black come together. I knew this dream is going to hurt and almost impossible and wear me out. It has been a wakeup call seeing the systems from society that keep minorities down. The church is not working together in Chicago to communicate and work with each other. It is sad to see that the black, Asian, Hispanic and white church just can’t get along. Bruhh…we are all familia…it just got my heart breaking. I talked to several pastor in the south side and west side and the response I got is that in their career in ministry the churches in the  white north side has made no effort to communicate to the churches in the minority south and west side. It keeps me up in night that some churches are willing to sacrifice outreaches because they are scared of the city kids. I was involved in the Latin kings four years ago, my home church is the only reason that I am still a Christian and go to Moody Bible Institute because my church was my familia. They helped me through the horrible times and actually believe in me. When we are closing our doors to these kids then we are not believe in God power that can transformation city kids into revival leaders. To be honest, I think that I am living in fear of the challenge. I see myself as David but without a slingshot but basically laying down and waving my white flag in surrender. In the Fable of the lion and the gazelle, “Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up, it knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're the lion or a gazelle-when the sun comes up, you'd better be running.” At the current state, I am the gazelle running away from the Lion (doubt, fear, pain). I need something that would cause me to become the Lion that runs towards my dreams. I need to be the Lion that needs to be hungry towards God dreams, which he put in my heart, and keep running and not being content for anything less. I want to be hungry not for my selfishness rather for the gang members, prostitutes, current youth and the future youth.