I'm just going to wear my emotions as my sleeves

There comes a day when our lives fall apart that starts with a phone call. I feel like i am in a car full of emotions that jumped off a cliff that is heading to rock bottom . Barely surviving cause momentum hasn't yet over token gravity. At this moment, in the failing car I am in a prison of fear, scared of getting more hurt. Last tuesday i feel like i been shot with a shotgun in the heart that open those countless open wounds that bleed for the last couple years. Any second now, i could become heartless from the lack of blood and love. That I feel like I gotta put on this mask cause I could bearly hold a smile for a second. But only if, people paused and look in my eyes, they would see that my soul is grieving from everything that's going on. They would see stains of tears that has been flooding my pillow at night. In this prisión cell, I gotta deal with myself. In the past couple days, I don't even know myself. I feel my heart hardening and turn callused of this ever lasting cycle of pain. It's killing me inside, that I am seeing this creeping up on me. Im constantly fighting against this depression from coming back, to be honest it's creeping. Depression has turned my familia to a cemetery full of my former homies. Im done feeling this way.God I'm calling out for you, hold me with your arms full out of love. Be that refuge that has always been there every day since I dyed to myself. Please I beg hear the cries for the desperation of a suffering and broken servant and son. Please catch this falling car before I hit rock bottom. Lord, If you dont, I hope I wake up seeing your arms wide open . Where I won't feel no more pain, tears, morning but rather be in your presence.